If crime doesn't pay does that mean that my job is a crime?
Why are there braille dots on a drive-through ATM keypad?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
Why is is that everyone gets mad at the people with road rage but no one gets mad at the people who cause the road rage?
Why does cleave mean both to adhere and separate?
Why do sick people have to walk to the back of the store to get their medication while healthy people can get their smokes in the front of the store?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
If you throw a cat out your car window does it become kitty litter?
Why don't psychics predict the winning lottery numbers and retire?
Why is the word for "a fear of long words" so long? (Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia)?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping their behinds?
How do people get discombobulated? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated?
If you sued a parsley farmer could you garnish his wages?
Sean Fitzpatrick, but does Patrick fit Sean? - Ass Backwards
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.-- Albert Einstein
Friday, February 29, 2008
Festering Whiney Vagitis
Tell me a story... ... ...
Almost died twice today... This is nothing new considering I drive on the fucked up streets of Orange County. I swear these people steal their licenses from the DMV and pretend to know what the hell they are doing. Idea; Get off the fucking cell phone, pull your head out of your ass, twaddle your twat on your own time- just get the fuck out of my way.
So I'm on my way to lunch; a Cro–Magnon Pre-Neanderthal human of sorts, you know the ones that you can't tell if they are female or male, decides to cut me off then slam on his/her brakes for no apparent reason. No there wasn't anyone in front of him/her ! Yes this scared the shit out of me and yes I think I peed my pants a little. . "Asshole" I scream. Waving my little birdy.
What I neglected to do was get a licence plate number so I can tell the world what a fucking lame he-she was!!
Just another self centered jerk on the road.
Speaking of jerks (second incident fast approaching) Can you believe that a brand new Mercedes just bought off the show room floor, don't come equipped with blinkers?
And did you know that corpes can drive? I didn't!
Now ponder this if you will; if I or you were to spend $50,000 or more on a car ( which if unfathomable to me) don't you think a blinker would be standard? Like a seat belt or a windshield or brakes? Then seriously WHAT THE FUCK?
Just another example of the incompetence I deal with on a daily basis. The car companies selling cars with no blinkers to dead people that don't have licences... Great!!
Yeah, a fucking blinker. If this isn't one of my pet peeves, so say the least!!!!!
So to all the Nazi's who own the road ( so you think). Holier than thou FUCKS!!!
If I had a chance I would knock you so far off your pedestal you would need a team of astronauts to recover you from orbit...you non blinker using, Mercedes (or any other car for that matter) driving,
decrepit, cant see over the steering wheel, my roids hurt, my phone call is more important that your life, I own the road so eat a dick, my truck is so big- I over compensate for my small cock, non insurance purchasing, people that don't seem to give a fuck, USE YOUR BLINKER!!!
Shit like this happens to me every day so I'm sure I will be telling all of you what happens to me tomorrow on the road.
Almost died twice today... This is nothing new considering I drive on the fucked up streets of Orange County. I swear these people steal their licenses from the DMV and pretend to know what the hell they are doing. Idea; Get off the fucking cell phone, pull your head out of your ass, twaddle your twat on your own time- just get the fuck out of my way.
So I'm on my way to lunch; a Cro–Magnon Pre-Neanderthal human of sorts, you know the ones that you can't tell if they are female or male, decides to cut me off then slam on his/her brakes for no apparent reason. No there wasn't anyone in front of him/her ! Yes this scared the shit out of me and yes I think I peed my pants a little. . "Asshole" I scream. Waving my little birdy.
What I neglected to do was get a licence plate number so I can tell the world what a fucking lame he-she was!!
Just another self centered jerk on the road.
Speaking of jerks (second incident fast approaching) Can you believe that a brand new Mercedes just bought off the show room floor, don't come equipped with blinkers?
And did you know that corpes can drive? I didn't!
Now ponder this if you will; if I or you were to spend $50,000 or more on a car ( which if unfathomable to me) don't you think a blinker would be standard? Like a seat belt or a windshield or brakes? Then seriously WHAT THE FUCK?
Just another example of the incompetence I deal with on a daily basis. The car companies selling cars with no blinkers to dead people that don't have licences... Great!!
Yeah, a fucking blinker. If this isn't one of my pet peeves, so say the least!!!!!
So to all the Nazi's who own the road ( so you think). Holier than thou FUCKS!!!
If I had a chance I would knock you so far off your pedestal you would need a team of astronauts to recover you from orbit...you non blinker using, Mercedes (or any other car for that matter) driving,
decrepit, cant see over the steering wheel, my roids hurt, my phone call is more important that your life, I own the road so eat a dick, my truck is so big- I over compensate for my small cock, non insurance purchasing, people that don't seem to give a fuck, USE YOUR BLINKER!!!
Shit like this happens to me every day so I'm sure I will be telling all of you what happens to me tomorrow on the road.
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